last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
