So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
