It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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