we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
