Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
