I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
