When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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