remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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