what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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