I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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