she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
