Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
