Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need a beard to bite.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
