very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
