I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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