i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
