I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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