I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
