Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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