Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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