We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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