Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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