we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
