There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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