There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
