I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
