You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
