We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
