I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Someone signed my nipple.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
