I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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