My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
