You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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