I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
