You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
