I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
