Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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