we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
