The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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