I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
