No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
