how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
