just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
