Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
