You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
