If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
