I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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