He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
