Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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