I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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