he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
