dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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