is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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