Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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