Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
