so explain again why im purple
no
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
