we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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