The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
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