I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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