Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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