You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
