No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
