I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
