I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
